


Life Changing

by camichats



Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [206]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Anger Management, Established Relationship, Injury Recovery, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29441631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: James is in the Hospital Wing, but he keeps dodging when Sirius tries to find out why.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [206]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/752925
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60





	Life Changing

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: “hi! I can't stop sending you prompts. I hope you don't mind :") "Severus hits James with the "Sectumsempra" spell and leaves him in this state." thank you and have a nice day!” 
> 
> The prompt leans in a hurt/comfort direction, but I didn’t do that. This is more ‘Sirius has Anger Issues and James doesn’t like it’...

"What the hell happened?" Sirius asked. James looked a little fragile, so instead of squeezing his hand until it hurt, Sirius's fingers were knotted together in his lap where he was sat on the edge of the hospital bed. He'd tried to sit in the chair next to the bed, but James had rolled his eyes and told him that if he didn't get up there, then James would go to him. 

James kicked his lips before answering. "Spell accident." 

"Accident," Sirius repeated. He didn't want to think that James was lying to him, but really- an accident? 

"You know how it is with new spells. Sometimes it's exactly what you want, and sometimes they blow up in your face." 

"What the hell were you thinking trying a new spell by yourself?" 

"Well I didn't think _that_ was going to happen. Why get back-up for something I thought couldn't possibly go wrong?" 

"You're the one that gave me that lecture! Like, a month ago. 'Don't go practising anything experimental, Sirius. You might get a hangnail and then I'll have to panic for forty minutes.' Remember that?" 

"I didn't say it like that." 

"Believe me, it was the gist. You're absolutely ridiculous." 

James stuck out his bottom lip in an exaggerated pout. "I'm injured! Be nice to me." 

"I'll be nice to you when you stop being an idiot." 

"That'll never happen," James whined. "I want you to be nice to me _now_." 

"Keep on dreaming." Besides, maybe this would remind him not to go off on his own and experiment! What kind of spell could it have been to land him in the Hospital Wing? Singed eyebrows, sure, but Madam Pomfrey hadn't even healed him and then let him go. Whatever it was that had gone wrong, it was having lasting effects. 

"Where's Moony and Wormtail?" 

"Revising. You said it was nothing, so I told them not to worry about it." The only reason James had told Sirius was because he knew better than to try and hide something like that. They both agreed to tell the other about any injury, no matter how small, and they got on a lot better for it. "If I'd known you were lying, they'd be here." 

"I didn't _lie_. I said I was fine, and I am." 

That was when Madam Pomfrey walked up to them with a tray of potions in hand, and she raised an eyebrow at James. "Anyone who loses that much blood is not fine. You're lucky Professor Dumbledore happened upon you when he did, or you might've bled to death right there." 

"What?" Sirius yelped, turning to James accusingly. "That's not sodding fine!" 

"I'm heartened that you agree with me, Mister Black. Perhaps he will actually listen when I say that he should stay here overnight." 

"Aww, c'mon," James said. "Nothing's going to happen to me back at the dormitory. You already said it would just be for observation." 

"No way," Sirius said immediately, shaking his head. "You're staying here so we can be sure there aren't any lingering effects." 

"There aren't." 

"You don't know that for sure." 

There was a hesitance to James's expression before he said, "Yeah, but I'm _pretty_ sure." 

"Pretty sure isn't enough to bet your life on." He heard Madam Pomfrey move on to the next patient, leaving them alone again. "Come on," Sirius said, lowering his voice. "I wouldn't be able to get any sleep if I knew you might get hurt in the middle of the night. If you're here, at least we'll all know that you're as safe as you can be." 

"Bloody hell, you're becoming more like Mum with every passing day." 

"Your mother is a lovely woman." 

"Yeah, but she hovers," he said, wrinkling his nose. 

"You like my hovering," Sirius said. He managed to untense his fingers so that he could put one hand on the bed and lean forward to give James a quick kiss. 

"Merlin help me, I do," he whispered. 

"So you'll stay here, tonight?" 

"I will, but I still think you're overreacting. Nothing's going to happen." 

"That's what I thought this morning too, and look at where that led us." 

James rolled his eyes. 

* * *

Sirius thought about it more as he went back to the dormitory. He couldn't manage to think about anything else. James's answer had almost made sense, but something about how he'd said it all... It had soothed Sirius at the time, but now that he had some space, it struck him as odd. It's like James had been trying to get him not to focus on how it happened. If it had been a simple spell accident from a new one, then he would've complained about the spell itself; he would've talked about how he was so sure he'd gotten the right phrasing for it this time, and he'd worked _so hard_ on trying to get it perfect before he ever raised his wand. 

He hadn't done any of that. 

James and Sirius didn't have to have talked about it first to know that Sirius was going to sneak in that night to visit him. Since he was actually hurt, Sirius didn't plan on staying for very long. 

He was going to get to the Hospital Wing, ask James what had actually happened, kiss him once (maybe twice, for good measure), then leave. Nice and quick. He'd be back at Gryffindor Tower in time to catch enough sleep that he wouldn't pass out at his classes tomorrow. 

It was a good plan, he thought. The only problem was that James didn't seem to know the script. 

He was awake when Sirius got there. That much, at least, they were on the same page for. Sirius cast a silencing spell around them, then carefully sat on the edge of the bed. "How do you feel?" 

"No worse than before," he said with a tired smile. It was hard to say if he was tired purely from staying up a little late or if that was an effect of being injured. "I still think you're overreacting a bit. I'm fine, and I know that nothing's going to happen." 

"How?" 

"What?" 

"How do you know that nothing worse is going to happen?" Sirius elaborated. 

"Trust me on this one, love. The initial," he waved his hand lazily, "thing happened, and I get that it scared you, but everything's fine now. It's not going to spontaneously reappear; it's not like that." 

Sirius stared at him for a long moment. If he hadn't been looking for it, he would've accepted that answer. James was not only dodging the question, but he was doing it in a way that tried to ensure Sirius wouldn't think twice about it. James was lying, and he didn't know why. "This wasn't a spell accident," Sirius said flatly. "You know exactly what went wrong, but you're not telling me. Even if you were telling the truth about it being a spell accident, I'd need a better explanation for why you're so sure it's not going to have any lingering effects. But since you're lying about that, I figure you can just tell me the whole truth right now." 

James's expression turned guilty, but no answer was forthcoming. 

"What the hell is going on?" 

He still didn't answer. 

"Fine," Sirius said, getting to his feet. "If you're not going to talk to me, I'm going to leave." 

"Wait," James said hurriedly, even though Sirius hadn't taken a step. "Don't- don't go." 

Threatening him-- even with something so small as going back to bed-- made him sick to his stomach. "Are you going to tell me what really happened?" 

James made a face. 

"What the hell is going on? Since when do you not talk to me?" 

"Since I know you'll freak out." 

"Why would I freak out?" 

"Because that's what you _do_ when you get upset. For fuck's sake, you almost killed Snape last-" 

"You said you forgave me for that," Sirius interrupted as his heart clenched. "Wait, did he do this to you?" 

For a moment, James looked conflicted. Then he said, "Yes, but I don't think he really knew what the spell would do. He panicked when he saw all the blood." 

"He _left_ you there? Madam Pomfrey said that Dumbledore's the one who found you, so when he panicked, he just left you like that? I swear to Merlin, I'll sodding-" 

"Stop!" James shouted. "You're not going to do anything." 

"The hell I won't." 

"This is why I didn't tell you. I hexed him first." 

"Yeah, you _hexed_ him; you didn't cut him open and leave him to die." 

"You're not listening to me!" 

"I'm listening just fine." 

"No, you're _not_ ," James snarled, his face twisting with frustration. "You're just saying that you're going to kill him because he hurt me, and I'm telling you that that's utter shite." 

"He'd deserve it." 

In a flash, the anger was gone, replaced by shocked disbelief. "You'd really do it." 

"He nearly _killed you_ ," Sirius hissed. 

James swayed back slightly, like he couldn't handle being so close to Sirius's anger. "You told me last time that it was a mistake. One you regretted." 

Sirius grit his teeth. "It was." Then, vindictively, "I never should've dragged Moony into it when I could've done it myself." He hadn't expected for the statement to do anything but make James more disappointed with him, but he looked scared now. The reaction almost had Sirius apologising-- it's not like he would ever hurt _James_ , but the other man didn't look too certain of that. 

"If anything happens to Snape, I'll tell Dumbledore that you're responsible." 

"You wouldn't," Sirius said, narrowing his eyes. 

"I definitely would if it'll stop you from hurting him. He made a stupid mistake, just like you'd done, and you're not going to punish him for it." James still looked scared of him. "If you hurt him again, Dumbledore will expel you. He was lenient last time, only Merlin knows why, but he won't do it again." 

Sirius turned on his heel and left, angry enough that he wanted to start flinging spells at the stone until it crumbled before him. 

He stomped back to the Tower. He wasn't careful or using the Map, but he somehow didn't get caught. That was good. He wasn't sure he would've held his tongue, even against a professor. 

* * *

He woke up in the morning, feeling nauseous. 

He skipped breakfast to go see James. Madam Pomfrey was releasing him when he got there, so he hovered awkwardly near the door for her to finish. 

James had seen him when he entered. His eyes chased that direction when he saw the door open, then slid back to Madam Pomfrey as she spoke. Sirius leaned against the wall, feeling almost like he hadn't slept at all for how tired he was. He didn't know if James would listen to him, or if he wanted more space before talking. Hell, he might consider last night good grounds for breaking up with him, and what made it worse was that he wouldn't be wrong. If Sirius were James, that's what he'd do. He wouldn't be able to be with someone like him. 

But when James walked to the door, he stopped at Sirius's side. "Hey," he said, subdued. 

"Clean bill of health?" Sirius asked, looking at James's shoulder because it was easier than looking him in the eye. 

"Yeah. Nothing happened during the night, so she said I should be fine. The usual lecture about being more careful in the future." 

Sirius nodded. "Breakfast?" he suggested, pointing towards the door. The last thing he wanted was to sit in the Great Hall and try to force himself to eat. 

"Sure." 

They left, walking side by side. It was a tense silence until Sirius broke. "Can we talk?" 

"Sure," James said again. 

It was easy to find an empty corridor that was far enough away from the Great Hall that they didn't have to worry about being walked in on. 

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Sirius said quietly. He didn't think of himself as overly emotional, but he started to tear up the moment he opened his mouth. "Every time I get angry, it's like I don't care about anything. I always feel like myself, and then it passes, and I just want to be sick. I used to think it was my parents, you know? That I was so buggered up from living with them that feeling murderous was just part of who I was, but now I live with you and it's-" Sirius stopped, swallowing thickly. He blinked the tears away before they could bead together and fall. "I don't know how to be better." 

James didn't say anything for a long moment. "Have you talked to anyone about this?" 

"I'm talking to you, aren't I?" 

"I meant, like, an adult. A real one. A good one, not your parents. Maybe Mum?" 

"Why would talking to your mum help?" 

"She's our mum," James corrected automatically, like he always did. "I dunno. She seems to know a lot. When I was going through some things, talking to her made me feel better. It can't hurt, right?" 

"I guess," Sirius muttered. He'd do it because James thought it was a good idea, and he couldn't trust his own council about this. He just wasn't really sure if it would be better for him, and more than that, he didn't know how willing he was to say those things to Mrs. Potter. She always looked at him fondly and said that he was family. He didn't want for that to be tossed out the window because he said too much to her, but he couldn't stay like this. If James hadn't been scared of him last night, he probably would've done it. Maybe he wouldn't have killed Snape, but he wasn't sure-- and he _definitely_ would've hurt him. 

Sirius felt... fragile. Like he was a vase with cracks all along it. 

"I'll write to her today," Sirius said. Since they agreed, he started to turn back to the main corridor, but James stopped him. 

James stepped forward, wrapping his arms around him just like he always did. Not tighter, not less constraining. The same as always, like nothing had changed. "I'm glad you're okay," James whispered. 

Stupidly, that was the thing that made Sirius start to cry-- that James touched him and talked to him like he was the same he'd always been. Like he still loved him. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a prompt driven blog @[imaginejamesandsirius](https://imaginejamesandsirius.tumblr.com) on tumblr. Feel free to drop by!


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